How to Stop Caring About What Other People Think

Recently, I was waiting in the lobby of Yip Hong's Dim Sum Restaurant and thinking about identity shifts and how they can be scary. It always seems that right before an expansion, when I'm on the cusp of an exciting change, the fear of what other people think can grip me.

Positive psychologists call the tendency system identification, which is basically like an epigenetic hangover. Because our ancestors, pre-civilization, were nomadic for roughly 200,000 years. So deep down, we are terrified that if we change and become too different, the people we love will reject us.

These fears of rejection swim around in our unconscious and can keep us stuck. If they stay dormant, we don't expand. We don't allow ourselves to become more successful than our parents, peers, or partners. We don't take that leap into our new weird but wonderful passion.

But what if we were to name the fear for what it is, just a little grumble, a familiar neural pathway designed to support our safety? What if we were to bring the fear up to the light of day and, in doing so, we could make space for a new, more expansive and authentic version of ourselves?

#systemidentification #fear #belonging